


Bathroom Nightmares

by AU Mer-Maid (neonstardust)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Any Ship is Canon Here if you Squint Hard Enough, Bathrooms are Dangerous, Canon Universe, Gen, I Dont Know What This Is But I'm Posting It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-02 08:38:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17261048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neonstardust/pseuds/AU%20Mer-Maid
Summary: The bathroom is where you run into dangerous people.





	Bathroom Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what this is, but this is how we are starting 2019.
> 
> Emrys, you may proceed with no fear of sudden unexpected hospital deaths.

On that frightful day Hinata met Kageyama in front of the bathrooms of Kitagawa Daichi, Hinata was sure he had met the scariest person on this planet. Fierce glare. Voice a threatening growl. Even his smile could be horrifying. Standing up to him that day was like going off alone to battle a panther.

The realization that he was wrong was even more horrifying. Kageyama wasn't the scariest person, not even when he grabbed him by the head and hissed “You forgot to spike it!” with all the anger of a dozen PTA moms denied their morning coffee. No, there were much taller, much scarier people in this world, and by some dark power, they were all drawn towards bathrooms.

Hinata is no fool, no matter what Tsukishima says after all of his tests scores are handed back. He may have fallen into the hands of those darker powers once or twice, or maybe a little closer to ten times, but no more. Over are the days of cowering in fear before the bathroom doors.

At least, that’s what he told himself as he kneeled before Yamaguchi, begging him to walk with him to the bathroom. It was a solid plan. Yamaguchi is tall! And, yeah, maybe he’s a bit on the scrawny side, but he can stand up to Tsukishima. Who could possibly be braver?

Cornered between a wall and Yamaguchi as they cowered, faces pale, words a stuttering mess, before Aone, Hinata really would like to know who is braver.

So maybe Yamaguchi wasn’t the best person to start with. Setbacks were normal to encounter when fighting against the forces of darkness.

An idea struck Hinata then, and also a stray volleyball, launching him half way across the court in an instant. The ground burned. His face stung, but he had it: a fool proof-plan. To fight the forces of darkness, he needed an actual force of darkness on his side.

Tsukishima said no. Then he said no again. And again, every day, multiple times a day for the rest of the week, until Hinata collapsed on the ground with his notebook filled with strategies for The Battle Against the Bathrooms. In hindsight, Tsukishima wasn’t the best choice either. Too snarky. Too tall. It wasn’t good to bring a wildcard like him onto the battlefront. What if he got sarcastic? What if their Bathroom Opponent was taller than him? No, bringing Tsukishima was like bringing in a ticking time bomb. He needed a better plan.

Kageyama was crossed off the list from the start. He himself was one of the dangerous people Hinata had met in a bathroom, and if Hinata had learned anything, it was that Bathroom Opponents could never mix. Meeting Oikawa and Iwaizumi outside the bathroom could have been a special exception—they went to the same school after all—but once Ushijima, a rival Bathroom Monster, appeared? Game over. The stakes were just too high to involve Kageyama, as convenient as he may be.

Sitting at the table, Hinata frowns. He’s running out of options. The first years could be promising, sure, but Hinata wouldn’t be a very good senpai if he dragged them into the line of fire. That only leaves the third years. Hinata had hoped things wouldn’t go so far, but maybe it was time he asked Tanaka. What he lacks in size, he makes up for in scowl.

Sighing, Hinata closes his Battle Plan Notebook. It will be okay. He still has time. The next match isn’t until next week, so he can rest today and resume his strategy on Monday.

“Oi.” Kageyama looms over him. “You’re still obsessing over that?”

“It’s important.” Hinata runs a hand along his notebook. “The bathroom is full of dangerous people.”

Kageyama looks at him with eyes that have never felt fear, never seen true horror. “Put it away. Kunimi will be here soon.”

“Uh huh.” Carefully, Hinata slides his notebook into his bag. It’s better not to leave his plans out for the enemy to see, even if Kunimi ranks low on the Bathroom Monster scale. “You said that last week, and he didn’t come.”

“He overslept.” Kageyama shrugs, but he looks away. Trying to fix the lost friendship between him and his old Kitagawa Daichi teammates was proving harder than they thought. “He brought someone with him this time, so he’ll be here.”

“The turnip head.” Hinata nods sagely, and Kageyama glares. He mumbles something else, probably a threat, but the doorbell rings. With a warning scowl, Kageyama sulks away to answer it.

Hinata rolls his eyes. At this rate, he’s going to need a Help Kageyama Make Friends notebook, too. These weekly hangouts just aren’t cutting it, even with Hinata there to fill in the awkward silences.

Voices filter in from the doorway. They’re soft and short, only exchanging simple greetings. Hostility undercuts what should be a friendly “Thanks for having us.”

Another voice speaks, and Hinata freezes. That isn’t Shallot-kun. No, that voice sounds… friendly?

Edging from his seat, Hinata creeps along the hallway. Kageyama’s house is too big, too weirdly shaped, but it gives Hinata a nice corner to peer around without being noticed.

Kunimi sits on the floor, pulling his shoes off. For some reason, he always needs to sit, like standing takes too much energy. Besides him, Kindaichi and Kageyama awkwardly stare past each other. _Not good_.

Leaning farther around the corner, Hinata watches another person step in. His smile is friendly. Curling brown hair shines silver in the afternoon light.

Hinata jumps back. The new Seijoh captain! The one scary enough to tame the mad dog player with the crazy left handed spike. Anxiously, Hinata covers his eyes. He can’t bear to witness this disaster.

But the words that follow aren’t filled with venom or malice. Instead, Hinata listens to him introduce himself, voice calm and polite. “Yahaba Shigeru.” Clothes rustle, as if he bowed. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard… a lot about you.”

 _Bad things_? Hinata leans back around the corner, uncovering his eyes just a little, but Yahaba is still smiling. The box of cookies he hands Kageyama smells only of chocolate goodness instead of poison. Another person hovers just behind Yahaba, but their hair isn’t blond with black stripes, and they hunch their shoulders, like they don’t want to be seen, even as Yahaba introduces them as his boyfriend.

Leaning back, Hinata breathes a sigh of relief. Maybe this won’t be bad after all. In fact, with Yahaba there making all the friendly small talk, Hinata could even sneak out early. This is perfect.

Footsteps finally shuffle away from the door as Kunimi finishes with his shoes. They’ll have to go through introductions again since Hinata missed most of them, but that’s fine. He’ll wait until they get out of the kitchen, and then—

“Oh.”

Dread spills down Hinata’s spine like cold water. Without the front door open, the light disappears. Shadows crawl along the walls. Out of the darkness, a boy glares down at him.

“You”—Hinata stumbles away, his back hitting the wall—“Shi-Shiatorizawa!”

Shirabu’s eyes narrow into cold steel.

Panic explodes in Hinata’s chest, but there’s no place to run. He scans the hallway for an escape, but only one door is within reach. A door that makes Hinata’s heart shrivel in his chest, sinking down into his stomach.

“Bathroom Monster.”

“What?”

An idea strikes Hinata, this one with more force than a stray volleyball to the face. No, this was cold, painful realization. How did he never notice it? The answer to the mystery had been standing right in front of him the whole time, ever since Kitagawa Daichi. It was never the bathrooms that were cursed by the dark forces of evil.

Kageyama was cursed!


End file.
